Yes Maybe; No Maybe...

"No maybe," she said. Huh. I'm not familiar with that phrase. One of my students answered my question like that. "No maybe." Honestly, I didn't know what to say. I suppose "No maybe" is better than only a slightly perceptible raising or lowering of the eyebrows or, even worse, the dreaded "I don't know.", but it certainly wasn't the definitive answer I was hoping for. Some days the students can be so frustrating! Of course, now that I mention this, I'm fairly confident I'll be saying it myself soon enough! I already have nearly mastered using only my brow to answer any question, so it's only a matter of time before I sound permanently vague like some of my students!

As with each of our adventures, I'm usually the first to be able to speak in the native accent of the place. Before we moved to northeastern North Dakota, I couldn't even remotely pull off a "Fargo" accent, but within a week, people were accusing me of being a native Dak-OHHHH-tan! Apparently, I'm a master linguist once immersed in a culture! [This doesn't bode well for my long-term substitute teaching position next fall. I'm slated to be the German instructor for six weeks and, as far as I know, I don't have any plans to visit Germany before then! Hopefully Rosetta Stone is as good as advertised!]

Speaking of the movie Fargo, don't even think about mentioning that movie to any of your North Dakota friends or family...they'll get seriously offended. To put it another way, if you want to get a stoic, old Lutheran from Mountain, North Dakota to talk, mention that movie and you'll get an expletive-laced earful about how that movie didn't even take place in Fargo and how no North Dakotans they know even sound like that! Plus, they'll tell you that movie wasn't even funny! Of course, they'll tell you all of this sounding suspiciously like the slightly more well-spoken cousin of the characters in Fargo!

It should also be noted that the movie did, in fact, have most of the nasty winter scenes filmed on roads just outside of Hamilton, North Dakota...I've shared many a drink with the wonderful gentleman that let the film crew store their gear in his Quonset! Hamilton is also known as the location of the annual Pembina County Fair where I saw harness racing for the first time!



Arguably my favorite North Dakota-ism has to be "Oh-fer"! Oh-fer-funny, oh-fer-cute, oh-fer-sweet...pretty much oh-fer-anything! A friend of ours used to say that all the time and at first I couldn't help but snicker every time she said it. But eventually, "oh-fer" became part of my vernacular. I suppose "Yes/No maybe" is just the same as "oh-fer", and eventually hearing a kid answer my query with "No maybe" will be oh-fer-funny!

Hang out with me long enough and I'll start drawing out my vowels and sounding like an extra from Fargo! Pretty soon, I might even start to answer "No maybe" to your questions!

I'd Be Rich, If Only I Would Have Been Prepared...

It snowed a bit today. Not enough to cause any concern really, but today definitely wasn't a part of the heatwave we've been experiencing. Today's cold was a refreshing change as I really am not ready for what a change in seasons means here...Bugs!

Today's cold snap got me thinking about where the bugs that just days before were emerging had gone. The other day, despite it only being +40-something, we had a multitude of bugs milling about on every warm and sunny surface of the house. Clearly they wanted into the house to do whatever it is bugs do once they are inside. I probably should have paid more attention to entomology in school (Although I'm certain I've never taken an entomology course, the topic was bound to have been covered at least briefly by one of them!), because I have devoted a great deal of my life to avoiding bugs and I honestly don't know much about bugs other than that they annoy me and that I take great delight in my ability to kill them before they kill me! After watching the bugs for awhile, I couldn't help but recall my favorite (And easily most embarrassing!) bug memory of all!

~~~~

At one of our previous stops along our life's adventure, we lived in an old parsonage. When we took the call, the house was boasted to have been built to be "the best in town". Mind you, that was 80+ years ago, and (as many churches are wont to do) had fallen victim to considerable "deferred maintenance". After we moved in, we immediately began peeling away layer after layer of moldy wallpaper and spent great care painting every wall of the house. I pulled up the 70's shag carpet (You all KNOW what color it was...ORANGE!) to discover beautiful oak hardwood floors that needed only a bit of preservation to bring back to life. Before long, our new house was starting to become a home!

When winter arrived, we discovered that our home had many larger issues that couldn't be painted over or patched up. The house desperately needed new windows and the roof leaked terribly. All our effort to that point had been cosmetic and we experienced a mild seasonal depression as we hunkered down for what would be a long, cold and wet winter.

When Spring finally arrived, we were delighted by the multitude of perennials around the house and the ability to actually keep our old house relatively warm (At least when the sun was out!). But this new found warmth brought about another surprise...a mass exodus of lazy bugs from every nook and cranny of our abode. Thanks to the internet and 7th-grade Biology Classification, I was able to discern that our new house guests were the harmless Boisea trivittata, or box-elder bug. The only danger to us was that they tended to congregate on and around windows and can stain drapery with their waste. Cool...I can handle a harmless bug and I really don't care for drapes...I'm more of a blinds man myself!



I employed a variety of methods of extermination, usually depending on the time of day. When the kids were awake, I'd drag the Dyson upstairs and use the hose (or is it wand?) to just suck them up. At night, however, I had to dispense of them by hand with tissues, since there's no chance I'll be able to sleep knowing that there's bugs creeping and flying around my ceiling. The disadvantage of the "by hand" method was that each and every bug made a loud crunch when smashed. This sound was just enough to make me ponder my killing ways before deciding that there still was no better way to remove them from my dwelling than cold-blooded (literally) murder.

Anyway, every night before bed, I would grab some tissues and stealthily climb around the room to dispose of the enemy. One night, I counted nine bugs to be killed and as I went around the room, I realized that one was actually a humongous black fly warming itself near our ancient light fixture.

Well, as any child of the 80's will tell you, this required a whole new level of skill as no fly was going to be captured by simple tissue. As I considered my prey, the thought crossed my mind to go and get my chopsticks, however, I'm no Daniel-son (let alone Mr. Miyagi) so I opted for the obvious next best weapon...a blue cow-print foam slipper!

Mind you, I'm already prepared for bed and am stalking my victim in my underwear and, for some odd reason, black dress socks. So, there I am, underwear, black socks and blue cow-print slipper attempting to shoo the fly away from the light fixture to a more reasonable killing ground. After a couple of near misses, the fly finally decides I am serious about him moving and takes off in fury of loud buzzing and collisions with inanimate objects. I stood there dumbfounded until the fly buzzed around the room and landed in my chest hair!

Naturally, I did what every tough guy would do in this situation...I screamed! And not a good manly scream. No! That would have been too, well, manly for this situation. No, I had to scream in the voice of a teenage girl attending her teen-heartthrob-of-the-moment concert!

"AHHHH! It's ATTACKING me!" I shrieked as the fly thrashed about in my chest hair.

As I panicked, the fly managed to disentangle itself from my chest web and resume flying about the room at an even more furious pace! After two quick laps around the room, the fly alit upon the front of my underwear where I quickly (And very much without thinking!) swatted it with the aforementioned blue cow print slipper!

I silently crumbled to the floor as my nemesis flew away barely stunned by the events that had transpired. To my own good fortune, I had managed to avoid a direct full-frontal assault upon myself (Despite the fact that in baseball I was a notoriously good ball striker...no pun intended!) and was aided by the fact that the blue cow-print slipper was mostly made of foam. Within an instant, J started laughing uncontrollably before being embarrassingly joined by yours truly!

Later on, I realized that I could've won every "Funniest Home Video Contest" for eternity had I only had the foresight to keep a video camera in my bedroom. I still don't keep a camera in my room, mostly because I'd have to explain why I have a camera in my room, which despite the hilarity of the above story, would probably still leave people wondering...

Of course, I could use the Boy Scouts' motto as justification..."Be Prepared"...which I clearly wasn't!

Nor am I prepared for what summer in Bethel will bring...BUGS!

I Couldn't Have Said This A Lot Better...

I like this blog a lot!

In particular this post!


In fact, I like this alot a lot!

Thanks to

Allie Brosh / CC BY-NC-ND 3.0

Silt In All The Wrong Places...

Our previously mentioned mud is quickly drying out and turning to silt, which would explain why Bethel and the surrounding area is known as the "YK (Yukon-Kuskokwim) Delta"...key word DELTA! This morning I swept. This afternoon I swept. And, I already have to sweep again. Nobody's even been outside since the last time I swept and silt is finding it's way into our abode.

The ground here incredibly soft and every step taken leaves a crystal clear footprint. My yard looks exactly like my favorite Family Circus comics, where Billy's wanderings are tracked by dashed lines all about! If only the "Billy's" that live in my house would strip down to their skivvies and leave all their silt-covered clothes outside!

The biggest problem the silt is causing is with the roads. Bethel has somewhere between 6 and 10 miles of paved roads with the rest being some combination of gravel, dirt and silt. At this juncture, any unpaved road is pocked with deep potholes, soft shoulders, and bone-rattling bumps. As difficult as it is to gripe about the work of the previous entries' "Bethel Road Crew", our road has quickly eroded and the stream from my neighbors' lake that crosses our road has developed into a river that cannot be traversed in a single bound. Supposedly, a member of Bethel's City Council lives in our neighborhood, so with any luck any necessary road repairs in our neighborhood will be expedited!

All this silt reminds me of spending time at the beach and finding grains of sand in every nook, cranny and body crevice possible! So, just like the beach, I'm advising everyone against any amorous pursuits outdoors in the YK Delta! I can't think of much worse than figuring out what body contortions are necessary to shower off one's nether regions if covered in silt! Sorry to be such a prude!

Bethel Road Crew...

I had the pleasure of watching some light road construction today (I know...on a Sunday even!) and thought I should share with you! Enjoy!



I know those workers seem a little young, but up here, anybody that wants to work can find of a job, so... Anyway, now we have water-front property as water from my neighbor's front yard lake meanders across the street, cascades down our embankment and disappears under our snow-covered side yard lake.

Warm, Sleepy, Happy, Sad and Guilty...

Lots to write about today...

WARM
+46! Yep, that's a plus in front of that number! It's almost hot, really! Snow is melting, and for the first time since we've been here, we're seeing what Bethel's "other" ground cover looks like...mud!

Mud is literally everywhere. The places that aren't mud are puddles (Often the puddles here look like Lower48's ponds or lakes!) that will eventually become mud. So, this is officially the start of the dirty season. I'm concerned for our 1000-gallon per week allotment of water as I'm certain our laundry is going to multiply exponentially! Maybe I should rethink my firm "No Puddles!" rule. You know, to wash off all the mud the kids are bound to get everywhere.

Speaking of puddles...Apparently people here drive onto the river and wash their cars (Oh, who am I kidding...trucks...there aren't many cars here!) in the deep puddles that form on top of the ice. I'm pretty sure I'd be the genius that found the hole and not the puddle and poor Babe The Big Blue Truck would be gone! I guess Babe's just gonna have to be a little muddy...just like everything else around here!

Speaking of Babe...a few hours at the mechanic got the tire fixed! I still need new ones and I'm still debating what to do, but for now I'm not dependent on the few places in town generous enough to share their air...for free even! And when something is free here, that's like being paid to get something everywhere else. I beginning to worder if there's a Yup'ik word for "free".

SLEEPY
Sundays afternoons are pretty much guaranteed nap days around here. I think most pastor's families probably do the same as it seems there's so much to do first thing in the morning that by afternoon, we're all spent. I've already taken mine and was considering another but opted to write instead.

I love taking naps. As far as I'm concerned, everyday should be a nap day! New research suggests that naps are good for work and study and I plan to help support this research as often as possible! ¡Siesta feliz!

HAPPY
Kid1 has returned from her adventures at the Regional Music Festival in Nome! Thanks to the chaperons for keeping her safe! So far, we've heard a lot of stories about gossip, pranks, dances, shopping and even a mention or two about the music!

In other "Happy" news, Kid2 turns 11 tomorrow! I can't believe it! She celebrated by having a sleepover with her two girlfriends. Cake decorating may not be any of their forté but they had a great time! Happy Birthday Kid2!

SAD
Despite her "Command Performance", Kid1 is still convinced she's not very good. I suppose this is better than someone that thinks they're amazing when they're really not (See every year's American Idol auditions!). Still though, I can't help but wonder what we've done to twist her around like this. [When you eventually read this blog Kid1, know that you are beautiful and talented and we love you!]

J leaves in a couple of hours for Anchorage! I'm certain she's excited to get away to the "Big" city, where she can wear normal shoes and get refills on pop for free. And there's no doubt we'll enjoy the fruits of her being able to shop and ship goods here instead of buying in town. Mostly, I'm just gonna miss her. I do fine when doing the single parent thing (Despite what I will try to say when people find out I'm flying solo.), but I miss having my best friend to talk to and laugh with. Safe travels and hurry home, dear!

GUILTY
I previously mentioned napping and that I am going to miss J while she's gone, but, guess what? I totally napped this afternoon when I could/should have been spending time with her. I feel totally guilty now, but thanks for the nap! It might be the best sleep I'll get all week!

A Busy Weekend and Week Ahead...

I shouldn't be blogging...I should be going to bed. I've got a crazy busy weekend ahead and next week isn't shaping up to be any easier. So, now I'm stressed and can't sleep. Maybe blogging about sleeping will make me ready for bed. (One can hope!)

Tonight, we're celebrating Kid2's 11th birthday! It's still a few days away, but it's the weekend and if we don't get it done tonight, it may not happen before they put me away in the loony bin (see below). Kid2 has two wonderful friends spending the night and we've celebrated with cake and frosting and rainbow sherbet (Surprisingly, these go well together!) and movies and now a headache. Fortunately, the pre-teen incessant giggling I was expecting never happened. We'll see how things fare in the morning!

Saturday will be chock full of activities (all before 2pm) with Kid4's dance class, the school Book Fair and one of Bethel's other primary social events...Saturday Market. It isn't uncommon to find people you haven't seen in a whole week and wander through the tables so engrossed in conversation that you have to head back in just to see if there's anything you want to buy. Inevitably, you'll see someone else and repeat the cycle of insanity. Fortunately, it's an awful lot of fur so by the third or fourth time through, it's easy to figure out which tables you need to stop at and which you can get away with just touching and inwardly being dually disgusted at yourself for doing so and for actually sort of liking the way fur feels. This place will do that to you.

Word from Nome is that Kid1 successfully performed her solo ("I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked) and received a "Command Performance"! Yay! We're so proud! Of course, this means more travel for Kid1 to attend the State Solo Competition, which probably means more stress for a certain blogger (See post from 4/14/10), despite the fact that she has the best chaperons in the world! If Kid1 ever makes it big, she's already appointed me her Manager! Kid1 returns Sunday afternoon!



Sunday night, I return to the airport to drop J off for the evening flight to Anchorage so she can attend a week's worth of the Alaska Synod's Assembly and Collegium. I'm already sweating handling all the household chores (Especially packing lunches...for some reason I'm really not good at that task!) as well as getting everyone everywhere they need to be. That doesn't even include getting myself adequately groomed and to all the places I need to be! Of course, there are still a week's worth of logistical snafus that will also need to be solved (Just hopefully not before I am able to sleep tonight!). Did I mention lunches? Can't forget the lunches...

Wednesday, Kid1 hops back on a plane to attend the Alaska Synod's Youth Leadership Conference in Anchorage. I'm sure she will have a great time and it will be wonderful for her to meet some other Lutheran youth... Oh God! What have we done? I know how these types of events go! J and I met at one of these so-called "Leadership Conferences"...

This is going to be tough. Maybe the toughest week ever. In basketball terms, we're losing our point guard and leading scorer for almost a whole week! I'm doomed! I feel bad for the kids in my classes this week. They are probably going to wonder what happened to the "cool sub" and who the tyrant teaching their classes is!

Keep me in your prayers. More importantly, keep Kids2,3 and 4 in your prayers. And, the students in my classes. And, anyone that gets in my way. And, well...that should cover it...I guess...

Just When You Think...

Funny how life has a way of jerking one back to reality and smacking you in the face!

I remember the first time I went trolling for Muskie at Lake of the Woods in Ontario, Canada with Ogs and John-boy. It was late-October, right before the lake would freeze over, and we were running up and down the channels (apparently Ogs "invented" fishing for Muskie like this) looking to nab one of the elusive Muskie seeking to fatten up before the freeze. Wind, rain and snow pelted us from every direction and the only way to stay somewhat warm was to hunker down on the floor of the boat (There's probably a "nautical" term for "floor of the boat", but I can't even remember which side is port, starboard and what are the others?...) and to take nips off of my "special" coffee. Anyway, we fished most of the day with no success (Seems like most fishing is that way.) except that none of us were at our jobs working!

After lunch, we changed tactics and tried casting on the leeward side of "Hey! Island" (Ogs has special names for all the islands up there. "Hey! Island" is so-named because no matter how bad the fishing elsewhere on the lake was, Ogs could always catch a fish there..."Hey! Fish On!") and, guess what? I got a strike at Hey Island!

I didn't even have to battle my fish to bring it to the boat, but as it neared it was apparent that I had only successfully hooked the lesser-cousin of the Muskie, the Northern Pike. Ogs will tell you that "Pike are okay, [he] guesses, but they’re the stupid cousin of the Muskie and the only reason there’s more of them than Muskie is that Pike hatch first and its fry feed on the later-hatching Muskie fry… (Gasp…that run-on sentence is courtesy of Ogs!) Muskie, on the other hand, must rely on their cunning and intelligence for survival of the species. (He’s right though…any Muskie angler will tell you creepy tales of “follows” and “figure-eights” when trying to entice a Muskie) Anyway, we brought my Northern aboard to humanely remove the lure before throwing it back. We quickly realized that my catch was actually a huge, I mean HUGE, Northern! My feelings were slightly mended as I hoisted this monster up for a digital record of my catch. John-boy fumbled with his camcorder as I held the 54” Northern aloft. (Maybe it was only 48”? Hmmm…well, by now it’s definitely 54”, so we’ll go with that!) As the camcorder rolled, I loosened my grip slightly and was promptly tail fin slapped across the face and crapped upon before watching my glorious fish leap back into the water! See what I mean about being jerked back into reality and, this time, literally being slapped in the face?

So, what’s this have to do with Bethel? We’ve got a slow leak on the rear passenger tire of “Babe the Big Blue Truck”. I’ve filled it a few times now and I’m realizing that we need a new tire. Unfortunately, further inspection of all the tires reveals that we probably need 4 new tires. Out here, that means paying WAY too much for a tire that may be more weather-beaten than the tires I’m trying to replace. Of course, I could shop online and have a new set shipped up here. Either way, we’re looking at $1,000 minimum for the whole job. Ouch...

Just when things were looking up for us financially, I’ve been tail fin slapped in the face by reality. Here’s hoping I avoid being crapped on to boot!

A Difference Between Here and There...

Seems like everyone has a memory of riding on a school bus from some point in their life. I could tell about our crazy elementary driver that was cited multiple times (in the school bus) for speeding, or of the many class field trips we got to go on. Probably my favorite, although not necessarily suitable for this blog, bus memories are traveling to away games for sporting events. I'm not sure why I would consider these favorite, because there was always sweat and other body odors and emanations, but they just were. Piling into the school bus, using seniority or, more importantly, athletic prowess to secure a seat at the back of the bus seemed especially important. Anyway, here in Bethel, we have buses (The drivers are not particularly gracious and occasionally cruel.), so that's similar. But in order to compete against anybody in athletics or attend any other larger school function, the school piles kids into airplanes! It's infinitely more awesome than when I was a kid! I'm totally jealous!



Why mention any of this? Kid1 gets to fly to Nome for the Regional Choir and Solo Competition tomorrow (Kid2 has already flown with her school to Anchorage for the State Science Fair!), and I'm a bit reluctant to let her go! After all, if we could get into the kind of trouble we did just riding a school bus, it doesn't take much mental prowess to imagine how much trouble they could get into on a plane! Fortunately, Kid1 is amazing, so I shouldn't be too worried...but she is my kid so maybe I should!

Good luck at Regionals and get yourself an invite to Anchorage for the State Choir Comp! Oh, and we'll totally miss you!

Blizzardy

Last night, I went out and turned the grill on to preheat it under overcast skies and gentle breezes. 5 minutes later, I was grilling in a blizzard! The Juicy Lucy's came out great, but grilling in a blizzard was an experience I may not try any time soon!

This morning, I awoke to more blizzard conditions. The grill cover was in the neighbor's snow drift and a couple of the lids from our outdoor storage containers had blown off. Our phone service was even less reliable than normal, so I was unable to find out if school was canceled and the radio news was already airing the Yup'ik version. By the time we arrived at school, half of Bethel's electricity was out (including all three schools), so I figured it was only natural that they canceled school. I couldn't have been more wrong! Two hours of teaching in the dark with a flashlight before power was finally restored. Needless to say, I had a lot of fun teaching Health II shining a flashlight onto my face like I was sitting around the campfire telling scary stories! Ooohhh...RESTING HEART RATE!!!



Fortunately, power was returned during second hour, which helped avoid any awkward "spooky" teaching in Advanced Biology (angiosperm, gymnosperm and cotyledons!).

Giggles and embarrassment avoided. Thank you Bethel Utilities Commission.

Surviving Hazing...

Tonight I catered the dessert for the annual Tundra Women's Coalition banquet Yukeghtaaraat (around our house we call it "Yuke Duk" cause according to J, Yukeghtaaraat is pronounced "Yuke Duk". I'm not sure I believe her.) for 200 guests. I cannot recall if I suggested to J that I/we should help out or if she just volunteered me for the duty, but the banquet was tonight and (despite my typing induced apnea causing me to yawn) I managed to get 224 cheesecake brownies with a raspberry coulis served to very positive results!

The more important question is: Did I do enough to get myself volunteered for next year's banquet or if I'm a complete bust? I'm not sure which I'm rooting for, either!

Bethel Hazing...

Bethel's one of those places that demands you get involved in something or you quickly become a statistic. Everyone has heard stories of people going crazy here in Alaska either because of the extreme and bizarre shifts of daylight or due to their own behavior. The fact is, if you're not doing stuff up here, I can see how easy it would be to go nuts. Fortunately, we've managed to stay very busy getting our kids involved in the variety of activities available for them to do. Case in point, last night was judo night for Kid2 and Kid3. Every Monday, we race there after scarfing something for dinner with the rest of the family and the kids run around throwing each other to the ground and yelling in (yet another!) foreign language that I don't understand! The fun part about judo is being with all the parents and catching up on everything from the latest gossip to new recipes to try with whatever unheard of vegetable showed up in our weekly organic co-op box from Washington (a few weeks ago it was sunchokes).

Last night, however, I was brought up to speed on preparations for the annual Tundra Women's Coalition (TWC for short) banquet. I've been volunteered to cater the dessert and I've reluctantly accepted. Tentative numbers are servings for 200 although they have given me absolutely zero ideas as to what to serve. I asked around on Facebook and my friends had dozens of ideas, but none were quite right. So, I've got less than a week to figure it out and put it together. Fun!

Oh, and the lady that is catering the rest of the meal has suggested that I'm being "hazed"! Wonderful...I managed to avoid any significant hazing throughout my schooling years and now I've moved to a village in the middle of nowhere and now the hazing begins. Somehow I thought it would hurt more!

Idle Idol Worship

So what...I'm a Tiger Woods fan. Big deal. I'm a male golfer in my mid-thirties. Tiger's my generation's Arnold or Jack. It's that simple. His return to tournament play for this weekend's Masters has me a bit torn, however. Sure I could root for someone else, but part of me wants to watch the trainwreck that he's become and see how he handles the pressure, since there's never been a professional athlete better at handling pressure. A huge part of me wants him to kick everyone's ass all over the course. Then again, maybe he should fail to teach him a lesson. Of course, I'd never admit that I'm rooting for him to my wife or kids. To them, I have to say all the right things and pooh-pooh his off-course activities. And, let's be honest...I am disgusted by his antics. Porn stars and escorts? Really? Maybe I will root for Phil even though he looks like me in a golf shirt. Probably not though.

And then there's my Ducks. You may not know, but I'm a huge University of Oregon Ducks' fan. Huge. Cut me open and I bleed green and yellow. And not Crayola green and yellow. We're talking $1000 per gallon metallic green and trademarked lightning yellow. You've probably also heard about the myriad of problems going on with my beloved university's athletic department. Of course, it's always fun when it's another school. I've retold the story of a drunk Oregon State Beaver football player's theft of an experimental sheep probably a hundred times, but now my school is the focus of all the attention and it doesn't feel good. In fact, nearly all of it is deserved, so I'm forced to just suck it up and deal with it again. This blows on an epic level!

Fortunately, I'm not the Ducks' coach and didn't have to levy any penalties, because there's pretty much no way we can compete for the National Championship in 2010/11. I also completely agree with Chip Kelly's punishments. One game for LaMichael James for his crime. A full season for Jeremiah Masoli for his lies. This is the same advice I give my own children. Tell the truth and the punishment will be significantly less severe than if you lie. Lie and all bets are off, kid.

So, I am rooting for Tiger this weekend. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because he's a golf freak of nature. And, I'm rooting for the Ducks next fall because they're my team. Sometimes it's hard to be so shallow.

Oh, and go Butler. I want your basketball coach to be the next coach of the Ducks!