Idle Idol Worship

So what...I'm a Tiger Woods fan. Big deal. I'm a male golfer in my mid-thirties. Tiger's my generation's Arnold or Jack. It's that simple. His return to tournament play for this weekend's Masters has me a bit torn, however. Sure I could root for someone else, but part of me wants to watch the trainwreck that he's become and see how he handles the pressure, since there's never been a professional athlete better at handling pressure. A huge part of me wants him to kick everyone's ass all over the course. Then again, maybe he should fail to teach him a lesson. Of course, I'd never admit that I'm rooting for him to my wife or kids. To them, I have to say all the right things and pooh-pooh his off-course activities. And, let's be honest...I am disgusted by his antics. Porn stars and escorts? Really? Maybe I will root for Phil even though he looks like me in a golf shirt. Probably not though.

And then there's my Ducks. You may not know, but I'm a huge University of Oregon Ducks' fan. Huge. Cut me open and I bleed green and yellow. And not Crayola green and yellow. We're talking $1000 per gallon metallic green and trademarked lightning yellow. You've probably also heard about the myriad of problems going on with my beloved university's athletic department. Of course, it's always fun when it's another school. I've retold the story of a drunk Oregon State Beaver football player's theft of an experimental sheep probably a hundred times, but now my school is the focus of all the attention and it doesn't feel good. In fact, nearly all of it is deserved, so I'm forced to just suck it up and deal with it again. This blows on an epic level!

Fortunately, I'm not the Ducks' coach and didn't have to levy any penalties, because there's pretty much no way we can compete for the National Championship in 2010/11. I also completely agree with Chip Kelly's punishments. One game for LaMichael James for his crime. A full season for Jeremiah Masoli for his lies. This is the same advice I give my own children. Tell the truth and the punishment will be significantly less severe than if you lie. Lie and all bets are off, kid.

So, I am rooting for Tiger this weekend. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because he's a golf freak of nature. And, I'm rooting for the Ducks next fall because they're my team. Sometimes it's hard to be so shallow.

Oh, and go Butler. I want your basketball coach to be the next coach of the Ducks!